Pregnancy feels like I'm going to whiz and then my heart is going to fall out of my butt

Lets get this straight : I am NOT A girly girl.

I know how trendy it is to say that these days with girls being all :

But honestly that ain't me.

However, as I am currently 5 and a half months pregnant - I have gotten an insight of how girly emotions can make me feel so insecure that my heart feels like its going to fall out of my butt.

(Dramatic recreation)

Being pregnant is pretty messed up in general without the hormonal mood swings - everyone always talks about it being some big fat hairy spiritual time in a woman's life - which is a bunch of baloney. 

Don't get me wrong - I already love this little parasitic guy inside of me but dayum, I could do without the swollen ankles, constant nausea, superman-like sense of smell (thanks a lot guy at work who eats stinky, dirty, feet-smelling Doritos for breakfast everyday) and the constant trips to whiz.

The constant need to whiz is the worst especially when you're walking out of the bathroom having JUST whizzed and then your bladder decides :

What. A. Bastard.

And it's not droplets or anything - the second whiz always resembles the one the Hitcher from The Mighty Boosh does.

(Apparently a picture of the Hitcher peeing a "yellow cable" is too much - boourns)

I only have 3 and a half months to go and the fear is starting to set in. Especially after watching the Alien movies last night - I feel like I will be the first woman in history to give birth alla a chest bursting alien :

The only up side would be if it turns out to be like the chest bursting alien from Spaceballs - dancing and singing like a chorus girl and wearing a straw boater hat :

Bun hair or Poop hair?

Angel Season 1 : Spin off, Champions and Death

ALERT ALERT : Big fat hairy Spoilers!

Angel the series (AtS) is often overlooked nowadays - could be because of the Twilight baloney that has been representing supernatural fiction lately or it could be because people associate it directly to Buffy (BtVS) which although being an awesome show has nerd/cult status that normies won't touch. Either way people are not willing to give AtS the attention it deserves.

The first time I watched Angel was on Fox 8 about 13 years ago - I was so excited that i had even taped and (re)watched the commercial for it multiple times (leave me alone, I was 14) I'm not sure if other countries got the same ad but it was bits and pieces of the first couple of episodes to the sound of V.A.S.T's 'Touched' - teasing and amazing. The first episode of Angel was shown straight after the first episode of Buffy Season 4 (Oh dear and what a catastrophic season of Buffy that was. . . except Hush - that episode scared my face off). 

I was blown away. 
I had a raging crush on David Boreanaz, the character of Doyle was adorable and comic and even Cordelia was humbled in a way that you only saw glimpses of in BtVS.

As AtS continued it just got progressivley better (as BtVS was getting more unbearable 'Beer Bad' and the cardboard cutout love interest better known as Riley anyone?). The character of Kate Lockley was a bit myeh, all the episodes where she played a big part were a bit of a snore but luckily it wasn't too often (that being said her character is pretty bad ass in the comic Season 6 Angel : after the fall).

then came the first big blow of the series - Doyle's death. Every time I watch the episode 'Hero' - I cannot stop the tears. There's various stories as to why they killed the Doyle character off, mostly it just has a sadness intertwined due to Glenn Quinn's death. In strange way the show became stronger because of the death - adding an element of 'no one is safe' that only killing a main character can perpetuate (HBO's OZ anyone?) 

Then came Wesley's introduction to the series - we were programmed to dislike Wesley from BtVS, he was snooty, he botched up Faith's rehabilitation and he was a bit of a pedo. However, on AtS, he became likable, goofy and more valiant than his crappy BtVS counterpart, especially after Faith's visit where we get to see a darker side to Wesley - a precursor to unbelievably hot, bad ass Wesley from later on in the series.

Being of course a spin off series fans went ape shit whenever there was a Buffy/Angel crossover, the episode 'I will remember you' is no exception. Know this : I am in no way a sucker for romantic baloney - but DAYAM the writing in this episode is amazing and pretty much the wet dream of every Buffy fan. . . until of course it all becomes about sacrifice and being a champion. The next time Buffy comes to town it's not so pretty and in fact they bitch slap each other REAL good due to one of Faith's always colourful visits.

Lindsey and Lilah were not bad (they get much more interesting later on) however the real interest here is Wolfram & Hart - proving itself to be much more than just a worldly law firm but rather an inter dimensional evil entity that has stakes in the upcoming big, fat, hairy apocalypse. . . Juicy.

The series ends with Wesley getting blown up, Cordelia gets driven driven to the point of being comatose, Lindsey loses his hand and Darla gets brought back from vampire death. . . but Angel learns that after he kicks the collective asses of apocalypses, hell demons and possibly gods - he would Shanshu - become human again. Aw snuggles.

Gore or be gored.

It just so happens that I’m currently in a state of epiphany…

Right in the middle of it…

You have caught me with my emotional and psychological pants down - so to speak.

So here you have it : my naked brain displayed on a dirty counter ready for you to poke and prod with your curiosity and disdain.

I say disdain because nowhere in that writhing pulsating mass of grey nerves is there a single good thought.

Everything is laced with malice, sex and revenge and even the things that appear good have a chewy center of selfishness.

It is not self deprecation anymore; I am no longer saddened by who I am.

I am finally ready for the world.

Half-truths and Cheese for Breakfast

The socially chameleonic nature of people's behaviour is really starting to grate my cheese. Say what you mean and mean what you say . . . Bitches. You are not breakfast.

400 BEBEHS

Bebehs . . . so many Bebehs. . .
bebehs to the left of me - bebehs to the right,
bebehs in cupboards concocting to give me a fright.
Hey lady, you shouldn’t keep your bebeh in that cupboard . . .
It’s just not cool.

Phinking on my philia

Damn you, Colin Firth's uncle look a like man,
why do you have to be so obliviously alluring?
I damn and shake my fist. . . but I know it's me.
Like a trick knee,
it's my teacherphilia acting up again.