Pregnancy feels like I'm going to whiz and then my heart is going to fall out of my butt

Lets get this straight : I am NOT A girly girl.

I know how trendy it is to say that these days with girls being all :

But honestly that ain't me.

However, as I am currently 5 and a half months pregnant - I have gotten an insight of how girly emotions can make me feel so insecure that my heart feels like its going to fall out of my butt.

(Dramatic recreation)

Being pregnant is pretty messed up in general without the hormonal mood swings - everyone always talks about it being some big fat hairy spiritual time in a woman's life - which is a bunch of baloney. 

Don't get me wrong - I already love this little parasitic guy inside of me but dayum, I could do without the swollen ankles, constant nausea, superman-like sense of smell (thanks a lot guy at work who eats stinky, dirty, feet-smelling Doritos for breakfast everyday) and the constant trips to whiz.

The constant need to whiz is the worst especially when you're walking out of the bathroom having JUST whizzed and then your bladder decides :

What. A. Bastard.

And it's not droplets or anything - the second whiz always resembles the one the Hitcher from The Mighty Boosh does.

(Apparently a picture of the Hitcher peeing a "yellow cable" is too much - boourns)

I only have 3 and a half months to go and the fear is starting to set in. Especially after watching the Alien movies last night - I feel like I will be the first woman in history to give birth alla a chest bursting alien :

The only up side would be if it turns out to be like the chest bursting alien from Spaceballs - dancing and singing like a chorus girl and wearing a straw boater hat :