Riding the Crimson Wave with Kevin Sorbo

If you're uncomfortable with first period or coming of age stories - stop reading now.

However, if like me, you thrived on the episodes of Degrassi and Ready or Not that mentioned that the upcoming episode contained young adult content or something along those lines - then read on friend.

I was 9 when my mum told me about female menstruation except she called it the day that "the old man would scare me". (Read: a Hispanic parent that didn't want to talk to their child about sex). Then she left on a 3 month trip to Mexico with my sister, leaving me with my dad and older brother scared to death that an old man would suddenly appear and make me bleed instead of pee.

I would glare at any old man that would come even remotely near me.

I was sitting in my room watching the 90s Hercules show starring Kevin Sorbo and his blond midget friend. It was a particularly long faux Herculean fight - when suddenly, I felt super funky like if i needed to pee but painful. I decided to wait for the ad break before going to the bathroom because apparently the Hercules story was that Enthralling. 

In the bathroom - it was freaking horror show when I saw the blood I thought I was dying. Think either Nightmare on Elm St when Johnny Depp dies or Dracula Dead and Loving it . . .



Yeah - let that imagery sink in for a while.

Ok, so it wasnt that bad but those scenes are hilarious and needed to be shared. (Back to the story) I should have felt pride or honour or something - but instead dread set in. Did this mean I wasn't allowed candy, toys and multiple days without a shower? As it turned out - no to the first 2, yes to the last.

I saw a cliché show once that likened the metamorphosis of a caterpillar to a butterfly to teen puberty.
Then the thought hit me- Would I become a brain dead teenager like the ones I watched on Saturday mornings like Saved By the Bell and California dreams? Well. no. I didn't - mainly because kids like that don't really exist in the world I live in.

Look at their smarmy perfect faces.

Nothing really changed after that - except that for a couple of days a month I had to be covert ninja gal and hide something that everyone knew was happening. People that had a hard time with puberty will probably hate this story I kind of hate this story too - only because I was grossed out thinking that Kevin Sorbo was the old man that had caused my period. 

Weirdly enough if you want to see Mr Kevin 'Hercules' Sorbo and midgety Magee (who's name is apparently Michael Hurst) and are in Australia they are currently appearing with OZ Comic Con: http://www.ozcomiccon.com/