Wednesday, 10 December 2014

Jane Awesome Vs Sabutt

I hooked up an old hard drive a few hours ago - mainly because I've officially seen The Simpsons and Law and Order SVU too many times (I can tell you the plots of any episodes within the first 20 seconds - try me, it's ridiculous).

In an effort to watch something I don't know off by heart but familiar enough to know that I won't hate it I chose to search this old hard drive's movie folders.

Now the following is a secret that I don't often reveal to people (partly to perpetuate this surly, vulgar and uncaring mask i have created for myself) - I love Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility. Not like a lonely housewife needing 1995 Colin Firth as a masturbatory aid - but in such a way that sense and sensibility is my comfort book and I've watched every incarnation of these two stories that I can get my obsessive hands on, even the zombie/sea monsters ones and the shitty 80s ones where you can see boom mikes and all the actresses have buck teeth.

With this in my mind I chose Lost in Austen (2008) - a British (of course) mini series where a supposedly crass present day Hammersmith girl gets sucked in to the world of Pride and Prejudice.

Although this series takes quite a lot of liberties with the story and the characters, it is actually quite enjoyable, better at least, that that Keira Knightly dreck that squelched onto our screens in 2005 (7.8 on IMDB??? ugh). Without revealing the end (because it is different) it left me in a sappy I-need-to-devour-some-mindless-rom-com-dribble-to-live kinda mood.

I went into the Rom Com folder of this old drive (yup - it exists) and for a moment considered watching Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging (2008)v(yes, another secret revealed - I fall back on this shameless adolescent baloney, partly because it reminds me of my teen feelings but also because the chemistry between the Georgia and Robbie is palpable. . . and possibly real between the actors?)

Alas, I decided on a movie that I watched nearly 20 years ago once and for some reason had it in my head that I enjoyed it.

Sabrina (1995) is not what you would class a cinematic classic :
  • Harrison Ford and Julia Ormond have no chemistry - their "deep" conversations consist of Sabrina being wistfully demented and Linus being as cold as dead wet fish in an igloo.
  • Harrison Ford looks like he is some serious amount of pain the entire movie
  • Julia Ormond looks like one of my friends mum's who I don't particularly like and who also suspiciously looks like Richard Gere.
  • I haven't seen the original one (1954) but it stars Audrey Hepburn, Humphrey Bogart and William H?olden and was directed by Billy Wilder - enough said.
The only good thing about this movie is possibly Greg Kinnear and that's only because he is playing the same playboy asshole he plays so damn well in almost all his movies - which in fact is probably why I thought I liked the movie the first time around. Granted, I was 10 when this movie came out but his smarmy tendencies  were probably enough to entice my confused prepubescent sexy brain bits. . . enough to make me believe that I liked this shitty movie.

Thanks a lot Pre-pubescent Virna. . . you butt.

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