Sunday 21 February 2010

Cockblocking: a punch to the groin of friendship.

Picture this : you’re out at some common dive that you pretend you hate being in, but hell, you keep going there because there’s always someone there that you’ll know and make you look like you’re super popular (kind of like cheers but with boob tubes and music that threatens to give you cancer). For some miracle you happened to be introduced to a person that doesn’t completely repulse you and somehow is not repulsed by you and the conversation seems interesting after a few drinks. You think to yourself “to hell with it – I pay my taxes, I deserve to get my sex on if I so please”. So the seeds of seduction are planted with a rising frequency of mutual unnecessary touching, along with sexual innuendos a plenty. When suddenly . . . BAM!!! A “friend” comes up with a completely moronic reason to talk to you or even worse – to talk to your possible conquest. Unfortunately, there is no way to get rid of this intruder without losing some mystique with Potential Mcgee.

“Please leave, you are ruining my chances to fuck” not only puts any sort of coitus with Potential Mcgee in peril by revealing what your intentions are but also makes you sound like an asshole.

The worst thing about this scenario is that most cockblockers don’t realise the harm they’re causing their friends. It could just be a harmless joining of the conversation by a generally friendly person, because of course not everyone is on the pull all the time. Mind you, some cockblockers know EXACTLY what they’re doing, and you’ll know who these ones are because they’re the jealous mother fuckers (either of you or for you) that are blocking you every - single - fucking - weekend.

The worst culprits of this socially spreading disease, are of course women. Mainly because they’re usually on their high horse “saving” their friends or justifying their cockblocking for other equally as ridiculous reasons. Let me just say that I’m not talking about blithering drunken friends that are going home with heinously unattractive bush pigs or possible rapists. . these people need saving. . if you’re a good friend you do not let these situations play out. However, if two people are having a good conversation – flirting up a storm and are still more or less cognitive: leave them the fuck alone; figuratively and literally.

A bit of advice for CBs
• No, you’re not saving them. . though if you let them be, you might be saving yourself from some major embarrassment when you realise you’re not wanted.
• Don’t think that by calling Potential Mcgee a whore or a sleaze you’ll be putting your friend off of them – this is a positive remark if your friend is trying to get their sex on.
• If you’re jealous because you WANT your friend then stop being a cockblocking idiot and make a move instead of wasting your energy on trying to control situations that you have no right to control.
• If you’re jealous of how often you’re friends get their sex on – get out there and try your chances, fool! Stop ruining your (and everyone else's) weekends by keeping tabs on people and go out and do the things that you’re so jealous for. Same goes if you’re simply jealous that you’re friends are getting more attention than you.

Understandibly, the world of courting is savage but don't stop your friends for having a good time because when they do it back to you out of spite you're going to be the first person to bitch about it.

Just don't Block the Cock.

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